And If Your Heart Stops Beating
by kawkodile
Summary: Kakashi x Rin - oneshot. Rin's death causes Kakashi alot of emotional and mental suffering. The memories start to form one day as he recalls their first kiss.


**And if Your Heart Stops Beating**

"Baka!" Sakura hollered as she landed a punch in poor naïve Naruto's face. A loud cry of pain echoed throughout Konoha only about a nanosecond later. Kakashi sighed and looked up from the copy of Icha Icha Paradise that was resting in his hands. "Aw Sakura-chan! What'd you have to do that for?" Naruto whined as he rubbed his throbbing cheek. "That'll teach you to never make fun of the size of a woman's chest!" she snapped, folding her arms aggressively.

"I wasn't making fun of your freakin' boobs! I was just wondering when you blossom! Isn't it supposed to happen at like .. thirteen?" he shot back at the now 16-year-old Sakura.

"BAKA YERO!" she screamed and was running at him full-steam, fist drawn back as if ready to fire. But then Kakashi got in between them and murmured, "Oy, Naruto." Sakura took a step back and glanced up at her teacher with a confused look on her face. "The key to a lady's heart is not by harassing her with obnoxious questions." he said, putting a fatherly hand on Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto turned bright red and looked away. "You know, Kaka-sensei, for a guy that never had a lover, you certainly seem to know a lot about love." Sakura pointed out. Kakashi simply shrugged. "I wouldn't say that. There **was **a girl that I --- " he stopped abruptly to notice that the two bickering blockheads were now completely silent, obviously captivated in the story of his lovelife. "THAT YOU?" they both said in unison eagerly. Too eager for comfort, Kakashi decided. "Never mind," he said, smiling beneath his mask, "It wasn't important anyway."

That was a lie. She was the most important girl in his life. Not a day passed him by without thinking of her. The guilt was too much. _All my fault, _he kept repeating. _All my fault…_

"_Kakashi-kun!" a voice called out to me._

"_Nani?" I turned around to see who was calling me. It was her._

"_Please give me a kiss!" Rin suddenly demanded, loose strands of her mousy brown hair falling into her chocolate-brown eyes._

"…_Eh?"_

"_Don't you know? When two people know they have feelings for one another, they display it with a kiss!" she said with a smile so big that I thought it could cover her whole face._

_To her and mainly my surprise, I burst out laughing. _

_  
"Nah, I don't feel like it." I toyed with her a bit. It was fun to see her mad. How foolish of me, did I think I could keep doing this forever?_

"You're such a jerk!" she frowned, the corner of her lips overturned. But you could still see that in her eyes, she was smiling. I loved her eyes. It was an impulse. I don't know what came over me. I took a step towards her, and brushed her bangs out of her face. It became awkwardly quiet. The only thing I could hear was her and my heartbeat, pounding ferociously in my ears. 

"_Stupid girl. Wouldn't that mean I'd have to take off my mask?" I filled in the silence._

_She said nothing in reply. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her hand twitch. A few moments later, I felt her cool hand prodding at the corner of my mask. I froze. Was she going to … ? I squeezed my eyes shut and I didn't know why. When I didn't feel my mask peeling off of my skin, I re-opened my eyes. I was staring directly into Rin's chest. And then I felt it --- a light kiss at the tip of my forehead. _

_When she withdrew, my eyes met hers. No .. I shouldn't be doing this. Obito would not want it. I pushed her away, and ran. I ran like no other. I couldn't tell Rin how much I cared for her, I couldn't protect Obito, I let my team crumble and fall before me, and yet .. she was always there, looking up to me, admiring me, pushing all the dirty, selfish things that I've committed aside and giving me something that I truly, madly, and desperately needed – love._

_  
And that one day, in the hospital, as I lay by her side, I suddenly felt like crying. No. I would not allow the tears to come out. I could not let her see me in pain. In fear. My pride and arrogance controlled me. That's what hurt me the most. "Don't leave me," she whispered scarcely, her eyes glazed and blurred with tears. I grabbed her icy hand in mine and said, "I will never abandon a teammate."_

_I will not do what I have done in the past. I can't let you die. She coughed up more blood and her grip on my hand loosened. Right then and there, I knew. I had to say it. I had to tell her something I've wanted to for a long, long, time. "Rin, I .." the words choked up in my throat. She closed her eyes, and her breathing became softer. "Rin, I –" I tried again, but I could not get the words out. I had failed her. And as she drew her final breath and her hand became limp in mine, I yelled out to deaf ears,_

_I love you, Rin._


End file.
